


mortality wilts in the hands of a god

by starrytobios



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, M/M, POV Second Person, Pining Sakusa Kiyoomi, Sakusa Kiyoomi-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:34:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27328150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrytobios/pseuds/starrytobios
Summary: Sakusa cannot compete with gods for Kageyama’s love, but he wants to be something to him. Even if that means being a way for Tobio to forget the boy he truly loves.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama Tobio/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 86
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	mortality wilts in the hands of a god

**Author's Note:**

> the hq rarepair bot caused this

Spindles spring from your bed and every morning you awaken in the arms of a boy that pricks through your delicate skin, like one hundred swords and desire that wilts once you step outside your bedroom door.

He is shadows and mountains, the ever-expanding night sky, born to host celestial beings like the sun, born to pine for the light of a being that never stays. But you are not from another world.

You are Sakusa Kiyoomi and Sakusa Kiyoomi is a mortal, made not of liquid gold and heavenly existence breathed into a vestige that brings life to everyone it touches. No, you are Sakusa Kiyoomi and you are made of flesh and bone, so easily bruised and cut, so easily reminded of your vulnerability – your mortality.

You cannot compete, not with gods, not with Apollo whose auburn hair blazes on the court like flickering flames and solar flares. Ringlets of russet, gleaming like gold and a smile that could blind. Not with the boy who is your love’s someone better; not with Hinata Shouyou.

But you dare not give up.

You simply can’t; pity is for people who can afford that sort of thing. Sitting around and moping is a language you don’t speak. No, pity is a currency which you do not trade in, because of something to do with meteors and busted heads, all of which that you seem to forget when Kageyama Tobio shows up at your room door, tearing down your defences with sincere thoughts and lopsided frowns. He stays the night, like almost every night, and he falls asleep in your arms and you wonder how human hands like yours are allowed to handle something as precious as the galaxy? You wonder how long you will get to do so, how long your mortality will be able to house a god without wilting.

You are not him.

You are not Hinata Shouyou.

You haven’t been huddled up in the sky’s embrace since high school, nor have you ever recrowned him. You’re just a boy, a man, both a shelter and a temporary room. A hotel perhaps, somewhere for Tobio to stay the night, when he has nowhere else to go. You huff a little at the thought. Look at you, comparing yourself to an auberge, a resting place for weary travellers. A room built just for Tobio, for him to use up your services without a care, because he will not be here in the morning to clean up.

Your chest is for Tobio’s head to rest upon as he whispers every little regret into the safety of your skin, somewhere from which it shall never escape. Your arms are to console him, hold him tight and close, like he is a part of you – the most dazzling part – when silver tears drip down his cheeks like shooting stars. Your lips are made to swallow his gasps, his every whine and plead, like he wants you, like he needs you. Your body is a temple for the sky, and this deity is always there for you to prostrate before, offering up your existence for bluebell eyes and love that is not meant for you.

Tobio asks for love, just not from you.

Because he wants Sakusa Kiyoomi’s body, but Hinata Shouyou’s heart.

Your hotel room cannot compare with the majesty of Hinata’s mansion, made of memories and bonding, marble and all things recherché.

You watch him, of course you do.

You observe the shift in galaxies when he is on court, observe how all the planets orbit the sun, how the night sky launches blazing balls of starlight right for Shouyou’s palms, ready to be slammed through a helpless planet’s atmosphere.

Jealousy is an ugly feeling, but it finds you, and it’s not about volleyball. It’s not about volleyball because Hinata is good for the team, his quick is stardust and a sword made of diamonds. It’s about the look in Tobio’s eyes, the way they light up, the way they follow Hinata’s every move. The way they sink when Hinata rushes into the arms of his lover.

You know that Tobio has lost a part of him, and you do not have the dimensions to fit the gaping hole left behind.

But that doesn’t mean you won’t try.

You will reshape the black hole within the lining of the milky way, with patience and longing. Sakusa Kiyoomi will reach in through guarded ribs and rewrite the name engraved in the precious tissue of Tobio’s heart. Even if it is only for a night, only so you are used to drown other sorrows and memories of a boy that is far from human, far from like you.

You find it strange, twistedly amusing almost, how you can long for someone who is already in your arms. How strange is the human disposition? How can we yearn for the people we see everyday; how can we yearn for emotions we truly have no right to?

But once you start chasing the sky, even your own nihilistic thoughts cannot stop you, because you are Sakusa Kiyoomi and you do not leave anything half-finished.

You are Sakusa Kiyoomi and you do not tell Kageyama Tobio that you will love him. Admitting it feels like a mistake, feels like a surefire way to have the last of your mortality snatched, leaving you as nothing more than an empty shadow of who you once were.

And even though you aren’t a god, or a king, or the sun with boundless energy – even though you aren’t _him_ – you will mean something. Something special, like a familiar bed to return to and shared whispers in the sanctuary of your embrace, like a warm blanket on a rainy day – _you will mean something to him._

And all your longing will be worth Kageyama Tobio’s weight in gold, and his smile, made of pearls and ivory. Even if none of it is meant for you.

**Author's Note:**

> i’ve never actually written in second person perspective before so this is experimental tbh.
> 
> and i finally wrote some omikage!!!! unfortunately it’s angst but hey! blame angst week for that not me ;p


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